In a world where everything is constantly changing, one consistent thing is distraction(s). Distraction(s), things that come to deter us from moving our lives in a positive direction. Distractions can come in different ways. Sometimes they can come through events that we've experienced. Other times distractions will be excavated through our exposure to certain environments. And many times, distractions can come through toxic relationships. Because of the distractions these things can bring, sometimes it is necessary to let some of these things go. When it comes to advancing passed distractions, one ability that empowers us to move forward in our ability to focus.
Do you ever get frustrated because you find it hard to attain and maintain your focus? Do you feel your mind is forever wandering, getting lost in thoughts about the past? If you answered yes to any of those questions, then here are a few steps that will help you in achieving a “forward” focus.
1. Grieve
Grieving is an essential part of getting over the loss of something. For many of us, if not all of us, grief is a natural response to death—usually associated with the death of a loved one. In this case, when it comes to focusing forward, any type of loss can cause grief.
In focusing forward, grieving may be a road that you'll have to traverse down. Whether it is moving on from a job that you loved to a better job, getting rid of something that distracts you, or dealing with the fluctuations of life; whatever your loss, if it's personal to you, then grieving is necessary—and essential in moving forward. Any type of loss in life can trigger a sense of grief and it is important that you go through it.
Here’s what grieving can look like:
Avoiding certain subjects and people that may remind you of your loss.
Having mixed feelings—Feeling great one day and feeling down the next.
Having a desire to be isolated at times.
Losing interest in activities that you once enjoyed doing.
Feeling as though no one else can understand and relate to the severity of your loss.
When focusing forward in the grieving stage, there are healthy ways to cope with the pain. In time, these healthy practices can ease your sadness and help you come to terms with your loss, find new meaning, and eventually move on with your life.
How to healthily cope with grief:
Feel your feelings.
Practice self-compassion—be gentle with yourself.
Engage in self-care activities daily.
Embrace the journey—Process what you've learned and are continuing to learn about yourself while going through your grieving process.
Think about this,
“Un-grieved losses are like unhealed wounds that eventually get infected with depression, anxiety, fear, and even unhappiness.”
To get where we want to be, we must often endure uncertainty or uneasiness. Grieving can be an uncomfortable process, but it is crucial in being able to move forward healthily.
If you are grieving the loss of a loved one please follow this link for ways to cope: "Grieve: and Again I say, Grieve"
2. Get Up
Getting up is a lot easier said than done. Progressing forward can be difficult for a plethora of reasons. While each of us may have various reasons as to why we are grieving, it is important to muster up enough courage to get up. During this stage, you must focus on why you want to focus forward. Going through this step will require ambition, grit, and perseverance.
Consider this,
The chasm between your forward movement and stagnancy is your focus—choosing to intentionally give all of your attention and interest to your progression.
Once you begin to focus on moving forward, you'll be opened up to experiencing a readiness that inspires you to move in the direction you want to go in. When you finally "grieve over it" there is a chasm that develops itself between the subject you are grieving and your ability to move forward. That chasm is focus.
Consequently, because of choosing to focus forward, various emotions will stem from the actions of progressing forward. When this occurs, your job is to feel what you feel while going forward with focus. Choose to get up and grow through it!
3. Go with Focus
Whether we want to believe it or not, mixed emotions can come with moving forward. These feelings surface because of our anticipation towards the change(s) we are adjusting to. If you're anything like me, change may not be something that piques your interest. The feelings that come with change can be a bit scary. While change can be petrifying, taking all of your attention and directing it to your focus will diminish, if not nullify, the frightening feelings the notion of change can bring. Susan Jeffers puts it like this, “Feel the fear and do it anyway.”
Lastly, ponder this:
Moving forward at any pace is better than acquiescing to becoming stagnant. One of the worst and most uncomfortable feelings in the world is to feel like you have stopped growing.
One may ask, ”How long does grief take?" The answer is simple, as long as it takes. Every person has their timeline and unique way of coping with loss. With that being said, grieve, get up, and go with focus.